People are creatures of habit, and daily routines offer a way to support our personal health and wellness through intentional use of structure and organization.
When we are healthy and we feel good about ourselves, the beauty in life is much easier to appreciate.
When you feel good about yourself, you’re going to naturally be more at ease. You will look at the world differently, maybe you'll notice things in nature you’ve never taken the time to appreciated before. Perhaps this new found ease will inspire you to step out of your comfort zone a bit. Maybe you’ll even take the leap and try a new fitness studio in your area where youll meet some new friends.
The world we live in is a bountiful place and beautiful experiences are ripe for the picking. All our hopes and dreams can become reality when we make the choice to take even just one new physical action.
This is why I believe that having a daily routine of good habits will improve your quality of life and thus, your future.
This is why I say to my clients:
"The Secrets Of Your Future Are Hiding In Your Daily Habits".
Whether it be in health, work or personal life; We don’t need a magic wand to swipe and swirl to give us the secrets of our futures.
From my experience as a former professional ballet dancer (I started dancing ballet at the age of 6/7) as well as a coach and natural born leader in my creative and fitness professional endeavors; I've learned that the key ingredient we need in order to be productive and happy people is a healthy and manageable daily routine loaded with incredibly good habits.
A few years ago, I spent 5 years working in retail/visuals/sales as a manager at Equinox West Hollywood and West LA. More recently, post-pandemic, I ran an LA based fitness start-up called THE WALL for roughly 2 years (THE WALL was rated one of the top 25 “plus-friendly” studios in the country by Good Morning America).
Few can argue with me when I say: the most productive, successful people in society wake up early, have good daily routines and have honed their ability to make a decision and commit.
I have seen the building blocks of successful CEOs, executives and celebrities from an "insider's view" if you will. I have witnessed with my own eyes what it takes to reach a goal and this knowledge I've accumulated through training and life experience is something I think if used by more people can create a happier, healthier world.
When we apply even the most basic structure to our decision making, we provide ourselves with a clear outline of our lives. And when our habits are clear and intentional, we set ourselves up for optimal health and wellness.
When you learn to master the art of self-discipline and embrace the value of commitment, you align yourself in a position that ensures you are completely in charge of your goals, your time and your destiny.
Many people who don’t have any type of routine or good habits may find they suffer from different issues such as:
- Stress. No routine often means having the constant worry of “when will I get it all done.”
- Poor sleep. Without a daily routine at work and/or home, you may find yourself playing catch-up with yesterday’s to-do list. If you’re always behind on what should have been done the day before, you’re likely also staying awake worrying about what didn’t. That or you're not sleeping enough because you do not know how to manage your time properly.
- Poor eating. Unhealthy diets (like eating lots of fast food) become the norm if there isn’t time scheduled for grocery shopping. Quick, unhealthy substitutes become the next best food option.
- Poor physical condition. Working out requires some advance planning. The depth in which you plan is based on your level of self-discipline.
- Ineffective use of time. Often, no routine means you simply run out of time, leaving things undone and not making the most of your time. This is a common issue with those that are more reactive rather than proactive. Proactive people plan, reactive people are always playing "Catch-up".
Some ways a routine can help with the above issues include:
- Better stress levels lead to improved mental health, more time to relax and less anxiety. A lack of healthy stress management techniques can put you at greater risk for heart disease and negatively impact your overall health.
- Better sleep will leave you refreshed. Your daily routine influences your quality of rest, bottom line. Your sleep schedule and bedtime habits affect your mental sharpness, performance, emotional well-being and energy level. It’s best if you can maintain a consistent time for waking and going to bed.
- Better health is a result of just a little extra planning. Set the alarm a little earlier and you’ll have time to exercise and eat breakfast, fueling your body for the day. Even a quick (and healthy) breakfast will get you energized. Whether you like to just go for a run or go to the gym for a bigger workout, it’s important to make time for exercise.
- Good example setting will encourage others to try a routine as well. You demonstrate its importance and the positive effect it has on health, motivation and self-esteem. It’s contagious.
Routines can be fun and don’t need to be seen as tedious nor do they need to be intimidating to be effective. The health benefits of having good habits built into your daily routine will make you wonder why you didn’t start one sooner. The effects a good daily routine will have on your life, will expand your ability to accomplish your goals with more direction, precision and confidence.
Now that we've skimmed the surface of my personal thoughts on routine and habit, let me share with you a more in-depth approach I offer to anyone trying to navigate the process of implementing a new daily routine into their lives.
The steps below are a set of basic thought processes or mental exercises I use to coach everyone from new employees, fitness/dance clients, businesses/brands and at times even my own circle of friends. This list is my way of sharing thoughts on effective ways to look at our own thought patterns if we want to maintain good daily habits.
The steps I’ve put together are meant to prepare you for the process of making daily routine changes. If you’re interested in elevating your routine so that it is more aligned with your long-term goals, apply here to train with me 1-on-1 so we can develop a set of daily habits tailored to you as an individual.
The Secrets of Your Future is Hiding In Your Daily Habits.
Read below for the steps you need to take to make a change.
1. Get Over It.
Get through it, Get over it, Let it go.
I get it. You think your daily habits suck now. You say your diet is horrible and you don't workout like you want to. Maybe you’re at the point of reading this blog because you feel guilty that your life is out of whack because you aren’t “doing the right things”.
Well, I am here to tell you that once you make the decision to step into a new realm of change, you need to drop all of that guilt and baggage at the door and get over it.
Of course it’s important to admit to yourself that the way you’re living your life right now isn't quite working for you. The process of change and introspection can bring up ugly things we don’t want to face, but it’s important we not put ourselves down and now wallow in self-pity. We must get over it.
I once bartered with a life/confidence/business coach to help me sort out some challenges in my personal life. We traded services so that we could both benefit from each other's expertise and this arrangement was very effective in helping me map out my own mental roadblocks. Every trainer needs a trainer and every coach needs a coach. The way I see things is: we are all students in life, always learning, always discovering, always growing. It doesn't matter how old we are or how many certifications or degrees we accumulate. Education, learning, growth is truly never ending.
This coach told me that I "did not need to get 'over it', but get through it" during one of our sessions when I referred to a difficult change/situation that I couldn't seem to move on from. We would have conversations about what was on my mind, and she would listen and help me identify and understand the patterns in my thinking. During this conversation I stopped myself mid-story and said, "wow, I really need to just get over it already huh?". This recognition of the pattern I was stuck in was what prompted their re-framing suggestion of "get through it".
I was holding on to negativity from this difficult situation in my life and in doing so I was actually keeping myself stuck in a state of being a victim. This realization clicked for me at that moment, and I will forever be grateful for her thoughtful guidance that led me there.
This coach's response of "you don't need to get over it, you need to get through it" did feel to me like an incomplete solution. Looking back I see that perception of incompleteness was more so about their concept lacking the meat and bones I craved solely based on my deep, emotional nature. I’m an emotional guy, and by emotional I mean I am incredibly in-tune with my emotions. I embrace them, I understand their purpose and I am so grateful I get to experience something as beautiful and as complex as these human emotions.
Being such an emotionally connected person, I am what some would refer to as “harder to train”. Or harder to coach. Or harder to teach. I prefer “harder to trick”. I challenge the narrative and I have always been like that, ever since I was a kid. I was a smart ass. But a lot of people forget the main descriptor in that name is SMART. And I think my experience being a highly intelligent and aware child taught me early on that “smartass” was less lovable than “sweetheart”. I used to flaunt my intelligence or creativity a lot more, almost out of angst. But I learned that being likable gets me what I longed for most: love. Friendships. Growth.
Of course in retrospect I appreciate the positivity this coach was providing me, but I didn't agree with their mindset of "you don't get over it, you get through it". I'll be the first to admit I'm just too analytical to accept such a simple response. She inspired me to be fearless and dig deeper, and by digging deeper I realized I needed to hear: "get over it, Ben".
I think getting over something does indeed require us to get through it at first, but if (like in my personal case) we hold onto that negativity attached to what we are working through or over identify with that scenario for longer than necessary, we absolutely have to get over it and let it go in order to move on.
Overidentifying is a common term used by doctors dealing with patients who have had trauma or who suffer from mental illness and it means "to engage in excessive or inappropriate psychological identification". Overidentifying was something I learned I was good at. I learned it brought me comfort and made me feel better about past situations I had been in that were lingering in my everyday thoughts. But it served its purpose and when I clicked out of that phase in my life, everything good started falling back into place.
In my 33 years of life on this planet; with11 of those years spent mastering experience in training and coaching other people, my recent approach of "Get through it, Get over it, Let it go" seems to be the truest and most effective philosophy that resonates with my clients the most. People with a desire to change seem to appreciate bluntness weaved into a nurturing, thoughtful approach. Tough love-esque if you will.
It's best to move on from the past to engage with the present in order to plan for the future. This is why I say "getting over it" is the first step to approaching the implementation of new habits into your daily routine.
Don’t be intimidated by the process of wanting to change something. It can often seem ominous to make the decision to change familiar habits that may bring us comfort. But remember, sometimes what you think feels good or brings you “comfort” isn't always actually all that good for you.
Like anything else to do with your choices, it's up to you to decide what habits are good and bad for your long-term goals. Some situations do require a professional opinion or arrangement of sorts, don't get me wrong. And in those unique cases, I recommend you take appropriate action to receive the guidance necessary to work through those issues. But the general rule of thumb I am preaching here is to trust your gut instincts and only ask for a second opinion if you're totally unsure of what to do.
Change will be hard, get over it (said with a giant portion of love poured on top). But let's be real sweetie, why would anything in this world that is great, be easy? Optimal health and well being are gifts but they come with strings attached: your hard work and commitment.
Happiness will never be handed to you on a silver platter.
2. Be The CEO Of Your Life.
Your happiness is your own responsibility. Don't rely on anyone else to achieve it. This is perhaps the most important realization that you need to make in order to achieve happiness in life and accomplish any goals you set for yourself.
If you are relying on a person, environment, job, or situation to achieve happiness then you will likely never achieve it.
It is not just the people you are with, or the situation you are in that dictates your happiness or success. It is the way you process and think about those experiences and relationships. It is all about perception; the way you perceive a situation.
You are the CEO of your life, so stop waiting for someone else to come in and lead the way. There is no other CEO in your life but you.
A common thing my clients will discuss with me is when they notice themselves making excuses for not sticking to their new daily habits.
The truth is, everyone makes excuses at some point. You're not special, you're not more clever for creating an elaborate excuse that no one else can argue with. Excuses are the lazy way out of introspection and application of good habits and many people efficiently avoid failure the lazy way.
This is why I want to challenge you to take the reins as you ride through life and keep accountability at the forefront of your character.
The following suggestion is an exercise I have used with clients and it works really well. Especially since many of my clients are successful business owners or in leadership positions in their career already.
But this exercise can benefit anyone.
Be the CEO of your own life and manage yourself properly.
This means when catch yourself making excuses for not sticking to your routine:
- Write the excuses down in a diary.
You get to decide whether or not you stick to your routine. But it’s important to track the moments you fall off course by writing down the excuse(s) you give yourself.
- At the end of each week, review your excuses as if you were reviewing the reasons an employee you are overseeing in a work environment did not execute a project.
How would you grade this employee's work ethic and dedication to finishing and completing something that is their responsibility? Would you have any suggestions for how they could have overcome the excuses they used not to complete the project ?
This exercise works and it's always more fun to turn challenging tasks into some type of fun game. And if you play this game right, you're the winner every day!
It's easier to offer a suggestion than it is to apply a suggestion, which is why when judging another person's work quality, it can be easier to pick through their excuses with a fine tooth comb and offer solutions that work.
It’s harder to be objective with our own behavior and that’s why I suggest compartmentalizing your behavior by documenting and reviewing your own excuses. It’s a way to reflect on your own thought processes and behavior in order to identify ways to change your perspective.
Not only will you learn some new things about yourself, you'll be able to change things you once thought you couldn't change.
You can hire the best coaches money can buy, but at the end of the day and in the privacy of your own home if you can’t manage yourself as an individual, you will not change your daily habits.
Mr.Miyagi yourself on a daily basis and take control of the one job you can’t afford to lose which is: living a healthy and happy life.
3. Commit To The Process.
Whether you just reflected on new changes you want to make like receiving a completely new workout routine, finally cleaning up your garage, fixing your sleeping schedule or cutting excess sugars from your diet. Whatever the scenario is, once you make a decision to change something, please commit to it. Commit to yourself, please? For once put yourself as a priority and stop neglecting your own well being.
Life’s too damn short.
You are an adult and you are capable of making decisions. You are the only one in charge of your actions. Professionals can only guide the way for you to do the work on your own.
Once you commit to a routine or change in habit, practice it for whatever amount of time works realistically for you. We are always in a state of motion and the world around us is always changing. Technically, change isn't new to you. So don't let these new changes trick you into thinking you don't know how to make a change at all. Don't give unnecessary power to the distraction of self-doubt. If you don't believe you can do something, then you can't.
For example, approach any new process of change by using the same mindset you would use during a time of healing or recovery. This empathy approach to commitment is similar to one you'd use to ease yourself into walking after spraining an ankle.
If you sprain an ankle, you may have to take it easy and be cautious not to over exert yourself. You may have to take time off of your feet, change your schedule slightly and do things you don't normally do. Despite the uncomfortable change in routine, when we're injured we usually listen to our doctor or therapist. It can be difficult to do new things to heal that sprained ankle, but we do what is recommended because if we don't, that sprained ankle will never heal properly.
You may not realize it but when you aren't healthy or happy due to your routine and habits, you are injured both physically and emotionally. It sounds dramatic for me to say it that way, but I find that if you look at your life on a deeper level and through a lens of empathy, your efforts will yield more effective results.
I believe you are physically injured if you are unhealthy due to poor diet and lack of exercise. More often than not, an unhealthy body can inflict even the smallest emotional injuries on our self-esteem. These injuries aren’t always visible to the naked eye, but the horrible effects our bad habits can have on long term health, self-esteem, work performance and intimate relationships are avoidable. We can avoid these negative effects if we commit to making a change and take action aligned with our commitment.
You owe it to yourself to ease your way into any new foreign process in order to effectively retrain your mind to accept the new habits or routine as familiar.
Set your new workout schedule so you are scheduling the workouts at times you know will actually work for your lifestyle. Live in reality. You can't decide to wake up at 5am to workout before work at 8am if you've never been an early riser or had a consistent workout routine and then expect to have amazing results. Those are two separate habit changes being implemented at ONCE and success in making too many changes as once is very low statistically.
In my experience, any client who tries to combine habit changes ends up falling off their routine change because doing that is incredibly difficult and counter productive. Be compassionate with yourself and set real expectations to get the results you want. If you want to change the time you wake up in the morning from 7am to 5am, start with that first. Do it for a week straight without falling off the plan. Always master your sleep, work and eating schedules before you add in any type of workout routine. Set yourself up for total success, eliminate the elements that create an environment where excuses thrive.
4. Improve Your Mind/Body Connection.
Everything we do with our bodies begins with our minds. Your arm cannot curl a dumbbell without your brain telling your body what to do. The same thing goes for executing good habits and routines.
Having a strong mind/body connection is key to success not only in fitness but in life. When the brain and body are at a level that they can communicate and execute behaviors and movements with ease, any action we take becomes that much more graceful and powerful. Understanding how to use your body properly allows us to utilize our bodies to their fullest potential.
Also please be aware of an often overlooked fact:
You must maintain a strong mind/body connection when exercising to avoid causing yourself injury. Proper weight training requires proper form to prevent the likelihood of injury. Proper form requires a strong mind/body connection.
It's not only important to know about how your body looks in the mirror when you get into a squat position. It's also important to understand what muscles are working and what positions we must maintain for the most safe and effective movement possible.
Map out a process for a new fitness regimen and make sure it works for you. Hire a professional if you need guidance. Regardless of your approach with hiring a coach or just restarting a routine that worked for you in the past, without a map that helps you plan your path you cannot expect to make a successful journey.
There will always be obstacles on any unknown road we take, that is to be expected. As the saying goes: "if you fail to plan, you plan to fail", and as corny as it sounds it's very, very true.
Take dieting for example: I had a client who was trying to eat less junk food, so what I suggested they do is find the process that works for them when eliminating those foods from their new diet.
I suggested they try to map out what groceries to buy based on what meals they were planning to eat. I highly doubt excess refined sugar, preservatives or high fructose corn syrup in the form of 3 pints of ice cream a week is on that new diet list. So if it’s not on the list, don’t add it to cart. It’s that simple.
Maybe going cold Turkey is too hard. Well then I’d suggest they try a second option and cut the ice cream portion to a reasonable amount based on diet guidance. It's important to keep the expectations of eliminating bad things from your diet realistic while also keeping them aligned with your end goal. There is no need to go to an extreme.
Some people go to extremes like, for example, totally removing the items from their cabinets or banning the rest of their family from bringing junk foods into the house.
On the surface this extreme approach seems like it would work well because: a lack of junk food in the home means you need to go out or order it if you're feeling tempted, right?
But what happens if someone that lives with you brings them home? Do we berate them for not doing our diet work for us? No, of course not. That’s childish.
It's your diet, you should stick to it. Does it really need to be that dramatic? Use your mind to direct and control your body. You are not helpless. Part of learning self discipline is not favoring toxic avoidance tactics. Learning self-discipline requires embracing and fine-tuning self-control tactics.
Another person may be able to limit their intake while still allowing themselves to have the items in their home to consume in moderation. Because their perceived level of self-control is higher.
Again, the approach should be based on the individual and your approach will be unique to you. You should base your plan utilizing the current historical skillset of self-discipline behaviors you have - while also growing these skill sets to improve them. Be honest with yourself and your coach, but there is no need to immediately jump to an extreme. And there is no need to indulge in the dramatics of behaving as if an Oreo would jump out of the packaging on its own and dive into your mouth. If you give bad habits too much power you will not be as happy as you deserve to be.
Your mind is a powerful tool, don't let it waste away while you sit on your couch in a daze after an oreo sugar high. And give yourself more credit when it comes to your ability to make a decision and stick to it. Make the most of your abilities.
Constantly work each day to train your mind body connection and work on each new habit at a pace that works for you. Extremes in behavior are board games for weak people.
5. Avoid Going To Extremes.
Everything in moderation, including working out.
When I say "avoid going to extremes", I am saying: "don't overdo things; don't act excessively.".
Extremes are powerful selling gimmicks and I know them very well because I've worked in sales both in the fashion and in the luxury fitness industries for over 11 years. I have never subscribed to using extremes myself when working to sell anything because it isn't an honest approach. And in my experience, extreme tactics don’t create a strong or long-lasting client relationship.
But there are plenty of lazy coaches, salespeople and brands that do not set those same ethical standards for themselves and their business practices. And unfortunately there are more dishonest people out there than people like myself who aren't just trying to sell you something once only to never see you again.
Fortunately for anyone reading this, I have no fear in calling out that type of behavior in order to highlight it for everyday people like you.
Moderation is the best course with change. There is no need to go to extremes.
Many coaches, brands or "experts" tout extreme diets, routines, habit changes as the key to success. But like I said before, in my experience that couldn't be further from what works on a broad scale of clients. I personally roll my eyes at extreme behaviors because to me it’s all dramatics, it’s all theater.
But I’m not trying to entertain you, I’m trying to help you. This isn't entertainment television we are working with, this is you. This is your life.
Making extreme statements or claims may get plenty of likes, comments and views on an instagram video but in real life this extreme mindset can set you up for disappointment. Be aware that indulging in extremes can also provide the perfect storm of excuses you can use against yourself to avoid doing manageable, hard work. Remember: change is never easy, but it is doable.
I've worked with many clients who have adopted extreme viewpoints on things like diet and exercise because of something someone they look up to taught them. While it can be challenging to un-train a person who has adopted this extremist mindset, it isn't impossible. I just prefer to train people not to go into extremes so that there are less difficult and unhappy clients roaming around out there.
My approach when working with a person who holds an extreme viewpoint on fitness or health is to just teach them my technique and let them decide for themselves if they will subscribe. I have moved on from trying to convince or sell my technique to anyone who seems resistant. It either resonates or it doesn't, and I would rather spend time teaching you than convincing you.
Clients can sometimes be so brainwashed to believe the only way to success is through extreme measures that when confronted with the calm approach of my method, it becomes too much of a challenge for the ego built up with a reckless accumulation of knowledge.
This is why I say in step #1 to "Get over it". Be wrong, learn something new or move on. I teach what works for a wide range of people - and it can work for an extreme mindset too, if they decide to change it.
Don't believe everything you see in a video or even everything you read in a blog like mine for that matter. Instead I suggest you use the power of deduction and reasoning to factor in when calculating what a realistic sum looks like for you. If it sounds too good to be healthy, it probably is. Leave the expertise to the experts and spend your energy investing in building your skillset to create your own daily routine of good habits. Stay teachable and you will learn.
Extremes in behavior can also unnecessarily intimidate reasonably smart people. It sounds crazy to say you'll go from working out 0 days a week to working out 5 days a week, while also changing your diet and daily schedule, all overnight.
And that's because it IS totally crazy.
Unless you have a background as a professional athlete, dancer, military, etc. - the best approach for applying new habits into your routine is to ease into them. Always start at a pace that is reasonable based on where you are currently in your level of commitment/discipline.
Sometimes in some rare cases, some find that extreme behaviors can work in a setting like the military or for professional dancers and athletes because their career requires strenuous activity and discipline levels that are above those required by the average person's career path.
But even then, I believe we should do everything in moderation. If you're not training to join NASA or to become an Olympic Figure Skater, calm your ego and realize you may be doing too much. And that energy you're wasting convincing yourself that being extreme is the only way to work hard or achieve success, could be applied to specific habits you are overlooking and under developing.
6. Always Be Kind To Yourself.
Changing bad habits is hard and a lot of strong feelings can peek their little heads out and wave hello during this new experience. Many people will feel guilt, regret, shame, some even reliving past trauma etc.
Whatever the case may be for you as an individual, I ask that you not forget to be kind to yourself. This includes speaking to yourself in a kind and respectful manner and also speaking ABOUT yourself to others with kindness and respect. This also includes proper grooming and care of yourself in order to present the best version of you to those you interact with. I believe proper grooming and having good hygiene are ways to show yourself and other people that you have respect for their presence and time.
If you find yourself looking in the mirror and thinking or saying negative things, take note of them and write them down in your diary. It's healthy to have a realistic view of our flaws, but it's not productive to degrade ourselves during the process of change. For every flaw you do recognize, whether it be something like a muffin top or maybe arms that are less sculpted than you deem beautiful, you need to stop any cruel train of thought and take a moment to remember and recognize 3 things you love about yourself.
Mastering the balance of focusing our energy efficiently is a healthy and realistic approach to change without going into the realm of creating a toxic self-image. We all have things we need to work on, it's ok. It's no big deal. Recognizing areas of improvement is important. But the majority of your energy should go into improving, not criticizing yourself.
What's done is done and the past is behind us. So instead of being stuck in a spiral of guilt, shame and regret - look at the bad habits you once held close and try to see that those habits were not a part of you but rather ineffective mechanisms from a past state of mind.
You have the ability to change your mind and decide what's best for you. I can't change your mind for you and no other coach has the power to do that either. But what I can do is try my best to show you various ways to make changing your mind easier and less daunting.
Being kind to yourself also means sticking to your commitments and routine while on the flip side not shaming yourself if you need an extra rest day or want to eat a cheat meal. Setting yourself up for success requires empathy not recalcitrance.
We are human, we have limits and it's ok to adjust things if we are overworked, tired or need a mental break. Again, only you know the truth deep down. If you do decide to veer from your new set of habits or routines, make sure the reasons you give yourself aren't just excuses in disguise.
7. Be Kind To Others.
There is never a good excuse to have a bad attitude. Kindness is a gift that we can't always see but we can most definitely feel. And we can almost always feel a lack of kindness coming from an interaction with an unkind person. Being kind to others can open up a new scope of possibilities in life that will help you while you adjust to creating a new set of habits for your daily routine.
Being kind to yourself can also play a key role in building the support circle you will create while on your new journey.
Every client I train has insecurities relating in some way to their physical appearance. With that being said, no one wants to be made fun of or be seen in an unpleasant way. We generally want to be seen in our best light while presenting our best appearance. Who doesn't love looking and feeling good about themselves?
Make sure you catch yourself if you find that you pass judgment on a flaw in someone else's appearance.
Thoughts like:
"They're fat, they're ugly, they shouldn't be wearing that to the gym".
Their life is not really your concern. If your observation acts as a reminder of why you want to stay on your path, great. But other than that there really is no other productive reason to judge another person's physical appearance. Even then, is it necessary? It's a lot of brain power you could be using to work on your own goals.
Are your judgments driven by the need for a moment of observation and reflection? Or are they purely unkind judgements rooted in vanity? It's not fair to judge another person's physical flaws without knowledge of that person's story for why they're in the phase of life they're in to begin with. And it's important to be kind to others, starting with your thoughts about them.
This brings into question the way we judge others and the impact that can have on our own productivity in life.
The more you judge others, the more you judge yourself. By constantly seeing the bad in others, we train our minds to find the bad. This can lead to an increase in stress. Stress can weaken the immune system and cause high blood pressure, fatigue, depression, anxiety and even stroke. In fact, 43% of all American adults suffer adverse health effects from stress. Stress can lead to a multitude of various health problems, so in short: being unkind is bad for your health.
It’s easy to see someone's faults, but it takes effort to see the good in others and in ourselves.
The more we learn to be accepting of the faults of others by choosing kindness when interacting with them, the more we learn to be kinder to ourselves.
Now you understand that during the process of changing your habits, constantly seeing the bad in someone is not only unkind, it can be counterproductive to your goals.
Treat people with kindness and it will make your life so much better.
8. Build A Circle Of Support
Share your progress or success with the people who are important in your life.
Staying accountable is important when implementing new habits into your daily routine. One way to stay accountable is to share your progress with the people who are important to you!
Receiving support with any new venture feels good and it can also inspire the people closest to you to make their own changes as well. I think if we all lived at a level of optimal health and happiness, the world would be a friendlier place by default.
Making change is difficult, as we've discussed previously in this post. There will be times when you need the support from someone other than a coach, trainer or teacher. And that's why I believe building a supportive circle of people you are close to is important to achieving success.
A support system is often an overlooked aspect of creating new habits for ourselves. Especially for people like me, who pride ourselves in being Beyoncè level independent. But being independent doesn't mean we don't need support in ways that benefit our independence. And it's ok to admit that you need support too. I think it's a sign of being self-aware and vulnerable and it takes a strong person to understand those things about themselves.
Maybe for you, support is telling your friend you are going to the gym so you're kind of "forced" to stay accountable for going when you know you may want to skip out and binge Netflix at home instead.
Maybe for you, support is sharing weight loss progress with someone because it feels nice to hear them cheer you on.
Maybe for you, support is posting a scantily clad pic online to show off your progress to friends and followers.
Whatever the case may be, support is key. So besides your coach, trainer or teacher - build a circle of people that care about you and support you. And share your wins with them. There is nothing wrong with asking for support from people that you love. And people that you love should have no issue cheering you on.
9. Acknowledge Your Wins.
Recognize the progress you make and be confident in your abilities to commit to change.
The mind is already in motion when you consider making changes to yourself or your daily routine. Remember as I mentioned before, the mind is in charge of the body. Your body cannot take action if your mind doesn't tell it to. So the fact that you are trying to learn about the best approach for your self-improvement is a change in the right direction and you should recognize that and feel good about it. Each move forward you make from here will only be as easy or as difficult as you decide it is. Will it be subtle or will it be dramatic? The choice is always ours.
People who experience stagnation are often prone to slip into depression, according to this article from rtor.org. Low self-esteem or being self-critical are risk factors for depression. Feeling like there is no clear direction forward while on your path to self-development can do a number on your self-esteem. Which is why I like to remind clients that the size of the step you take forward doesn't matter because it's the direction - not the speed in which you are going, that is important.
Just like New York Times Best selling author of the book "Atomic Habits" James Clear states here:
"Most of the time, the value you provide isn’t nearly as important as pushing yourself to provide it. This is especially true at first.
Having the courage to get started is more important than succeeding because the people who consistently get started are the only ones who can end up finishing anything."
Aristotle (384 BC) claimed that all motion is caused, and can be sensed, but originally was potentially present in the now moving body.
Once there is motion, that motion will continue infinitely unless it is stopped. Aristotle's doctrine was generally adopted by medieval science and led to Isaac Newton's formulation of Newton's laws of motion in 1666.
If you're stuck weighing the pros and cons of adding good habits to your daily routine, let me attempt to tip the scale for you and further explain that any steps towards improving yourself are a good change even if it doesn't always feel good.
Example: It doesn't feel good to be sore after a workout, but the cause of the discomfort was something healthy and productive. So while it may not always feel good to workout, it is good for you.
The same thing goes for any changes you make towards improving your life. The discomfort you may feel when making these changes, is less uncomfortable than how you'd feel if you were to see yourself in 10 years having made 0 changes whatsoever. Why create a path to regret when you can pave a path to happiness?
It's important for me to point out that I'm not saying everyone deserves a gold star for minimal effort. Please, don't take this step the wrong way. I'm saying, have confidence in your abilities and be kind to yourself by acknowledging your efforts to remind yourself of the power you hold.
I know that in my life I forgot about the strengths I had because I was so focused on the flaws. And I want to help as many people as I can learn more about their inner strength and power and how to harness it when working towards their goals.
10. Keep It Real.
Always be honest and forthcoming in regards to your actions and commitments and share your real thoughts with your coach/mentor. It is important for the professional relationship to be honest and without honesty the relationship will not function properly.
Honesty is the foundation for trust in a relationship, and trust is necessary for a relationship to function and thrive. When you're always honest with someone, it tells them that they can trust you and the things you say. It helps them know they can believe your promises and commitments.
If you skip a workout or eat cookies for dinner instead of your suggested meal, just tell your coach. I know that I can speak for myself when I say I really don't care to judge you for what you eat or what workout you skip. I just need to know the information so that I can use that data to create an action plan to recover the lapse in commitment. It's useless to me to judge a client for their choices, but I must know the truth so I can strategize next steps in helping you achieve your goals. It's my job to guide, it's your job to execute the instructions you are given.
At the end of the day being dishonest with your coach is only a disservice to yourself. Think of your journey towards new daily habits like an uber ride. Without knowing the destination and the route, the GPS’ algorithm cannot determine the estimated time of arrival. If their maps lied to them every time they were used, ETA's would never be even close to accurate and everyone involved in the ride would be frustrated and would have to spend more energy rectifying the confusion.
Please just keep it real.
Dig deep down and find that inner reason for staying on track with your goals. That one little thing you maybe think “isn’t enough of a reason” can very well be the one reason you do CHOOSE to make a change. It doesn’t take a big goal, it takes a big yes.
Say yes to the process. The hood the bad the ugly. It’s ok to keep it real.
Not making progress in your goals? Give your coach the truth about the route you're taking so they can properly assess your ETA. Otherwise, don't complain if you don't arrive at the destination you were hoping for.
Be real about your new, maybe difficult experience while also being kind to yourself and to others.
Commit to you. Let go of anything that isn’t you. The labels, the categories, the expectations of others. Expect yourself to succeed and you will. It’s good to work hard. Do it while you’re young, while your energy levels are naturally high. Do it while you have the capacity Mother Nature has given you to learn, and move, and grow in any direction you decide.
Love the people around you, love your higher power - because by being a genuine human being - you show the biggest love for yourself and your life.
I hope this blog post helped you. I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments and if you feel this post could benefit someone you know - go ahead and share the link to my blog with them too!
Thank you for taking the time to read my writing, I appreciate it so much. I wouldn’t be able to do what I do if I didn’t have thousands of people online who interact with my content over my various platforms.
(see you in the comments, I hope 🥺)
Your friend,
Ben